Zero Gravity Got Grounded: A Comedic Story

Remember the days when you were allowed to play outside but had to come home when it got dark? As we got older we start to rebel and stay out after dark, sometimes we don’t even come home. Those were the days back then, however for nineteen year old Jonathan McPherson, those days still strive on vibrantly

It was a chilly night on February 27th in Naperville. Zero Gravity was bumping to the filthy sounds of Megalodon, Hatcha, Axilon and many other local supporting acts. The music was loud and grimy, the crowd was hype and the night was going as planned…..or so we thought.

The clock struck one in the morning and that’s when it all went downhill for our hero. A 1990’s Ford Windstar pulled up to the venue like Paul Walker was driving and in a hurry. The door opens and out steps a furious beast that some might know as the deadly “angry mother.” She was on the hunt for her prey and she made it very clear that she was not going to leave empty handed.

Photo courtesy of Israel Santiago

As the dub raged on so did our man Johnny; losing his mind and forgetting his worries to the sound of heavy bass and dirty drops……little did he know that the worry he was trying to forget was close. Almost too close. Megalodon and Hatcha were spinning back to back when Danny Souri, the owner of XDI, the company responsible for throwing this event, came on the mic and announced the impossible.

“If your name is Jonathan McPherson your mother is outside and she said you were supposed to be grounded. Jonathan McPherson: get outside your mothers gunna kick your ass,” then Megalodon and Hatcha dropped back in with the dirty dub.

Embarrassed and frightened, Johnny slowly made his way to the front and inevitably to his fate. “He had no choice. Johnny looked like an Amish kid and his mother was FURIOUS that he disobeyed her.” The outraged mother dragged her prey by the ear and into the back of her minivan and just as quick as she came she was gone. By the looks of how that mother clenched his ear, I’d be surprised if Johnny could still hear; maybe that’s a good thing because I could only imagine that car ride back home.

All Johnny wanted was the dubstep; just a little dubstep, and she wouldn’t give it to him. Back to the Amish fields they vanished while dubstep claimed another victim that night. This just goes to show you that no matter how old you are, no matter what your passions or vices are your mom will always know what’s best! Johnny: if you’re out there and don’t have your internet privileges taken away I’d like to extend some words of encouragement. She might be able to ground you but she can never ground the dubstep.

Austin Allen

Gonzo Journalist. Love advocate. Music addict. Memory maker. Chicago is my birthplace but this world is home. I'm consciously and unconsciously evolving and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

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